WHO WILL MARRY THE EX-NDA GIRLS? Beyond the Passing-Out Parade: Examining the Second- and Third-Order Consequences By Col Narinder Singh Dahiya (Retd)

Date:-17 October 2026

A historic milestone

On 13 June 2026, nine women officer cadets marched out of the Indian Military Academy (IMA), Dehradun, and were commissioned into the Indian Army. They belonged to the first batch of women who entered the National Defence Academy (NDA) and subsequently completed their training at the IMA. The Passing-Out Parade of the 158th Regular Course and 141st Technical Graduate Course was reviewed by President Droupadi Murmu.

The event marked a historic break with the IMA’s nearly century-old male-only tradition. These women also became the first officers from this entry route to receive permanent commissions directly upon commissioning.

The feminists are rejoicing that one more barrier in the path of girls has fallen. But as is their wont, they do not contemplate the second and third order consequences of this action because none of them will be serving in uniform. The lady officers have now signed away at least 20 prime years of their life to serve in the military. These 20 years include the fertility period of these ladies and their time to bring up their next generation. A fulfilling life of any woman includes her getting married, having children and bringing up their next generation.

General M.M. Naravane reviewed the NDA Passing Out Parade on 29 May 2021 (140th course, Spring Term) at Khadakwasla, Pune. The Chief of the Army Staff while addressing the passing out parade remarked that at least 40 years down the line, a lady might stand in his place to review the NDA passing out parade. But what he failed to visualize or say was that such a lady officer would either be a spinster, or a divorcee or the head of a broken-down family.

He was sheepishly trying to make a ‘virtue out of a necessity’ as the decision to allow the girls to join the academy was forced down the throat of the defenceforces by our ‘all knowing’ Supreme Court judges in spite of stiff resistance from the pusillanimous Generals. The Court did not even accede to the demand of the Defence Forces to defer the decision for some time to allow the academy to prepare the necessary infrastructure to welcome the girls.

The veteran community wrote extensively against this ill-thought-out decision and its severe consequences for the forces. But hardly anyone discussed the issue from the perspective of the girls who are likely to join the academy in future. Will these girls have a fulfilling domestic life after becoming officers in the defence forces especially after getting trained for four years in the academies to overcome their emotions and to become battle hardened to face death?

I commanded my Infantry Battalion at Mumbai. The JCOs and Jawans of the unit had their families in the station and we were extending all facilities to the wards of the soldiers to study in good schools at Mumbai and to perform well academically. Most of children of the soldiers did well in the examinations and it was matter of pride for the paltan. We also rewarded meritorious students. In one of the SainikSammelans I was happy to reward a few girls who had excelled in the Class XII CBSE examination. Father of one the girls, our religious teacher came to meet me in my office, after the awards ceremony, to seek guidance for the further education of her daughter. He was very proud of his daughter’s academic performance and wanted her to join a good college at Mumbai. I asked him what kind of futurelife did he dream for his daughter. The JCO, who was himself well educated told me that he had not thought much about the future of his daughter at that moment and presently he was only concerned about her college education. On my request he agreed to come back to me after a couple of days after discussing the matter with his wife.

The JCO came back  to me the next day and told me that he and his wife discussed the matter in great detail and that he was now ready to answer all my questions. On slight encouragement from my side, he sketched out an ideal life for his daughter. He wanted his daughter to marry a well settled boy (preferably one doing a government job) from a good family of his own caste. He wanted her to have a happy married life and have two healthy and bright kids who also have nurturing atmosphere at home and become good citizens of our country. He agreed that if his daughter gets a government job that of a teacher or job in any government or public sector office or a well-paying job in the private sector, it will become easy for him to find a suitable match for her.

The parents of the girl were not ready to accept that their daughter either marries out of their caste or stay unmarried for life or to have a love marriage or have a live in relationship. They were sure that the chances of the girl having a good and fulfilling life were more dependent on her right marriage rather than on her education and her ability to make lots of money. So, when I asked him will a boy of his community will be ready to marry a girl who has studied at Mumbai and led a comparatively free life. He was sure that the chances of such a marriage happening are remote. He was also certain that his daughter might not even agree to marry a boy from his community after tasting freedom at Mumbai. Hence the answer to his question about the future education was obvious and staring him in his face. He thereafter sent his family back to his hometown in Uttar Pradesh and the girl did her education in good college there. She is now happily married and has two sons.

The anecdote has been narrated to highlight that a good life for a girl does not consist of a respectableand well-paying job only. The Defence Officers’ job can only guarantee this much. This job also comes with lots of hardships in terms of long duty hours, disturbed family life, frequent transfers, hard training which can adversely impact the biology of the body of a girl. The male officers are able to bear these hardships because they have a wife at home to look after him when he gets back home tired and to look after the children and the family. A lady defenceofficer is not likely to have such a devoted husband because the lady will not marry an unemployed good for nothing young man and a good man will certainly like to earn his own bread.

These days the male defence officers find it difficult to get married. One of my officers’ from Haryana had gone home on leave to finalise a match for himself. On his return he informed us that his engagement did not take place. On lots of questioning, he informed that the engagement was called off as the girl preferred a Patwari, a fourth-class employee over him. While it is difficult for the male officers to find a suitable match the chance of finding a match for an ex- NDA girl are likely to be very few.

Let’s examine who all can be suitable match to marry an ex- NDA lady officer. We can safely rule out all Group A Services like the IAS, IFS, IRS as they don’t even consider the defence services as their peers. Even the engineers from the MES consider themselves superior to defence services officers. Since these girls will have transferable jobs no young man serving in the private sector is likely to consider them as a suitable match because they live and work in metro cities where the defence services have very little presence. Only the privileged few military officers get a chance to serve in these cities that too for a period of around two years. Even teachers or patwaris will avoid marrying them for same reason. That leaves only the defence services officers. Only the defence services people will muster guts to marry them. The lady officers will certainly not marry soldiers from other ranks and the services will certainly frown at such alliances. Thus, the pool of their perspective grooms will be restricted to defenceservices officers.

An ex- NDA girl is not likely to marry one of her juniors in the rank and seniority conscious defenceforces. Even a junior male officer will not be comfortable to have a senior officer as his wife in his house. Her course mates from NDA are not likely to marry a girl of his course as he would have seen her in various conditions and would not like to expose himself to the ridicule of his course mates. The ex -NDA officers consider the direct entry officers and short service commission officers below their level competence. So, an ex- NDA girl would not be keento marry someone from these entries. So that leaves only ex NDA officers senior to the ex -NDA girl. The ex- NDA officers generally want to marry a homely girl as they yearn for a family which they have missed in their schools and in NDA.

The ex- NDA girl will thus find it difficult to get a suitable groom. But even if they manage to find a suitable match the marriage is likely to face rough weather as the ex- NDA girl will be trained for four years to be defence services officer devoid of most of the emotions and skills to bring up young children.She might even be biologically stressed to bear healthy children. Even if she manages to have children it will be almost impossible for her to devote the time and shower the kind of love and affection on her children which they deserve.

The people who have made this decision to allow girls to join the NDA has been made by the people who have no stake in the system. They have got cheap popularity through this decision. The judges will never serve in the defence forces and their progeny is also not likely to even consider the defence forces as a career for themselves. The politicians will get some votes but will never force their daughters to join NDA. The Generals who acquiesced to the decision will also be long retired by the time the ex-NDA girls join the forces and their daughters have already crossed the age of joining the forces. These worthies don’t realise that they are committing gullible girls from lower middle classes to a life of hardships and social ridicule. By the time these girls will realise what they got into as a very young age, they will be imprisoned in uniform for life or at least 25 years. This will propel them in a life of loneliness and perpetual grief.

Ladies have been in uniform in the defence services for almost two decades. These ladies have been fighting their own services in various courts for their promotion and terms of service. The services have thus had a kind of adversarial relationship with them. Secondly the forces are so busy that they don’t have time or will to think about the long-term welfare of their soldiers. Lots of male soldiers are facing marital discord cases these days because of breakdown of joint family system. Some of them commit suicide for this reason. The same organization has thus not bothered to carry out a detailed study on the life of lady officers. Such a study could be a guidepost for all girls keen to join the services.

It is the duty of defence services to put forth the true picture of service and its impact on family life in the open. It is in nobody’s interest, neither the girls, nor their parents, or their future spouses and even the society to consign the girls to a life of lonely companionless life.

The real question is not simply, Who will marry the ex-NDA girls? It is whether the military has thought seriously enough about the lives its policies set in motion.

In the Armed Forces, we are trained to think about the next operation. Institutional leadership demands that we think beyond it—to the second- and third-order consequences that may emerge decades later.

Thus, it is not in anyone’s interest to produce boys with boobs through their training at NDA.

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NOTE - The contents of the article are the author's personal views based on his study , research and experience.The pictures are for symbolic representation .